SECRET CONFESSION OF THE DAY

When I was little I used to fantasize that one day I would meet prince william and he would fall madly in love with me and then I would be a princess, and then a queen. And that I would be willing to look past the fact he is so hideous because I would have the attention of the world. I mean we would only have to consummate once, right? And after that, TOTAL GLOBAL DOMINATION. AND I WOULD BE A FUCKING PRINCESS. and everyone would be like "dayum! alicia is so much hotter than prince william! It's so evident that she married him for his princely status!" Fuck that would be rad. I guess I wouldn't be able to say "fuck" anymore, huh? lame.

Oh wait, but I guess I would probably have to fuck him more than once because we would need to make an heir for the throne. Hrm. Well, it is a small sacrifice to make...I wonder if they have a royal paper bag to put over his head? Then maybe I could cut out a picture of ewan mcgregor or elijah wood or cillian murphy and paste it on the bag so then I could pretend I was making love to them instead. I mean they HAVE to have a royal bag, right? Charles is so fucking hideous, I KNOW diana had to concoct something like a plush purple velvety diamond encrusted bag to put over charles' head. I will just have to inquire about that. But then again, william is all powerful and stuff so maybe I could just get off on that. I mean I am sure I could. I know i could! Yayer. I could probably write a really persuasive letter to the queen, telling her why I am the SHIT. Once I get in with her, I am golden, right? Then all I have to do is bump her off, which will be hella easy since she is so old anyway. Just a lil push down the royal stairs and her royal hip will be royally fucked. Then I will hold her hand while she slips away, and she will love me.

huh. but I wonder what would happen to scarlett? I guess she would be like a lady in waiting or something since she doesnt REALLY have any royal blood. That's not very nice. I mean, my grandpa was in the senate, so that KINDA makes her like royalty, right? Maybe I could set her up with a duke or something. or a knight. No, a duke sounds better. I would have to watch her from afar because I am too busy attending to my royal duties and beheading people. But the heir i produce will be hella jealous because there is NO WAY I could make a good lookin' kid with william. I mean I know I am ridiculously good looking, but I just dont know if my good looks can overpower the wretched bad looks of the royal family. Scarlett will be like the gorgeous lady-in-waiting that my hideous heir is hella jealous of. And my heir will go out of her way to make scarlett's life miserable until the prince of poland sweeps her off of her half-polish feet.

i am not making this up! Actually, I still kinda daydream about it. HA. Except I saw this documentary on the royal family once and it looked like they have horrible structured lives, like all they do is go to cememonies all day and shake people's hands. so I am glad this is never REALLY gonna happen. OR IS IT?

Regicide anyone?

I think I read too much Phillipa Gregory for my own good.