Duck Duck Goose

Hurray! It is nice and sunny out today, I am going to take Scarlett on a nature walk shortly. We have these super gigantic and ferocious geese that live in our neighborhood that Scarlett likes to go look at. They walk around like they own the place, with the intent to litter the streets with feces, hiss at protective mothers and delight toddlers who do not know any better. Well, they probably were here before this subdivision was built, so i guess that is fair. But they are still jerks! Case in point:

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3001/2556529988_43752e25e6.jpg?v=0

This was taken last spring, so imagine all those babies full grown by now. This is right outside my house. They like to take morning strolls like any other creature, except they have no manners. What the fuck, aren't geese supposed to MIGRATE? Get a move on, assholes! It's November! I hope Jen the Californian Bird Lady reads this so maybe she can come up with a special goose call to draw them closer to her and away from me! Although, a delicious Thanksgiving goose sounds quite tempting right about now. Imagine how much meat one of them fuckers would provide. I should train my cats to perform a sweet synchronized attack on one of them. Lola would tempt one of them with her innocent demeanor and sexy saunter, Guapo would perform a vicious surprise attack from behind and Millie would go in for the kill at the neck. Millie has brought home some big birds on my stoop before, but she would deserve a lifetime achievement award if she brought me a Thanksgiving goose. Maybe that is too much pressure to put on a cat. I do not want to stress her out. Maybe I should just go get a gun and shoot them myself! It would be like Duck Hunt, only way cooler because I wouldn't have an annoying jackass of a dog laughing at me every time i missed. I would be willing to step over some bloody carcases for a couple of weeks if it meant I didn't have to risk ruining my shoes every time i went outdoors. I think that if I killed them all that my neighbors would probably throw me a parade, and carry me around the block on their shoulders. We could build a big bon fire and burn them all, right next to their former wetland home, and perform celebratory ritualistic dances into the night. That would be awesome!

Okay, not really. I actually kinda like the geese.