Adventures in Bulimia

Once upon a time a young girl sat in her bed, watched Star Wars: A New Hope and munched on delicious Juanitas Tortilla chips. And Oreos. And half a tub of salsa, washed down with some beer and a glass of dr. pepper too. Don't forget the fucking milk with the Oreos, because she does NOT do Oreos without milk.

"HOLY SHIT!" She thought. "My ass is already headed for the hills (or turning into small lumpy mountains, if you will) since I haven't been to the gym in over a month! Instead I have been sitting on my ass, drinking beer and talking shit on Facebook. In fact, I have probably consumed over 1500 calories in the past 30 minutes, and I am STILL kinda hungry! What in the hell happened to my life?! I'd just like to know how a girl like me can get laid when all I do is sit around like Jabba the Hut munching mindlessly like some fatass and not even trying to look good. By the way, is that a fucking salsa stain on my protruding gut? Oh yeah, and cookie crumbs in the bed? forget about it! Don't think I will even change the sheets tonight either, that is WAY too much effort. Much easier to just lay down and weep, since the alarming realization of over-eating-not-so-anonymous is sweeping over me in waves." (She calls this the "sweep and weep", by the way.)

Well, that girl had a thought. A fairly dark, evil thought. A horrid, after-school-special thought. "I COULD probably just throw it up and feel way better about myself" she thought. I mean, she hadn't done it EVER before, so a one time thing would be okay, right? (well, besides after drinking too much alcohol, but that really doesn't get rid of the calories, now does it?) And It's not like she hadn't gagged on plenty of things before, the girl is fairly promiscuous. So that wasn't an issue, right? and REALLY, what is the harm of throwing up just once? Pregnant people throw up like every 5 seconds. AND THEY ARE SUPER FAT. The puking doesn't even HELP them lose weight. Way to fail on everything, breeders. She wasn't going to keep her puke in a container or hide it from her mom or something like in that one movie we all had to watch in health class, so it's okay right? Hmmm.

She just didn't know, should she stay, should she throw?

She threw. That girl took the plunge down her throat with her long bony finger and tossed her chips, salsa and oreos into the kitchen sink. "REALLY A BAD FEELING," she thought as her nose instantly clogged up with mucus, her eyes watered and throat burned like a rotten jalepeno. No amount of water tamed the grossness, but she proceeded to puke again. and again.

...and then old Mother Hubbard's Guttard was bare...but at least she would get boned. She went to bed feeling incred, and woke up a skinny ho.

She probably won't puke up her food again, it was kinda gross.

The End.

PS: Turn to 7:52 if you want a remake of this lovely experience.